"When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair."
— Taylor Swift
— Taylor Swift
When my girls were younger, they LOVED my bathtub. There was something about the big Jacuzzi tub and the fact that they could get in there together with a small arsenal of toys that made them want to stay in there forever. On one particular day, I peacefully folded some clothes in my room while they played, but soon I was summoned in to help them retrieve a toy that had fallen just out of their reach. “MOMMY – we NEED you,” was the familiar cry when this happened. As I walked in, I noticed that the girls had lined up their Disney Princess figurines all around the edge of the tub. All of the usual Princesses were represented, some were even duplicated in various outfits or poses, there seemed to be about 15 Princesses at this particular event. The cause for concern appeared to be that the lone Prince in attendance had fallen (or possibly jumped?) over the edge of the bathtub just out of reach of the slippery wet hands that were trying to retrieve him. I noticed how concerned my girls seem to be about his untimely departure and that troubled me to some extent. Now, I am never one to shy away from an opportunity to teach a life lesson, so instead of instinctively reaching for the Prince, who may or may not have actually left the party of his own accord, I seized the moment and posed this question to my girls. “Why do you need the Prince?” I asked them. Look at how much fun the girls seem to be having without him. I tell them that these Princesses are beautiful, strong women in party dresses and they are out to have a good time and their happiness does not depend on whether, or not, this Prince chose to grace them with his presence. I point out how everyone is still smiling, still dancing, …no one seems to be bothered by the Prince taking his early leave of the festivities.
I had to wonder what I had taught my girls in my years as a single mom. Hadn’t I taught them that life goes on long after our Prince Charming has left the building? They had seen me carry on without their father, or without a significant man in my life for a long time. We have had plenty of fun times and an abundance of adventure in our lives. I have taught them the value of great friendships and time spent with family. Why was it that they were still buying into this whole fairy tale idea where the Princess could never be happy without a Prince?
I started to worry that I had gone too far in my efforts to prove this point. This became clear the night of my older daughter’s cotillion. After the dance, another mom apologized to me because her son had to leave abruptly during the dance to attend a sporting event, and he had been dancing with my daughter at the time. I assured her not to worry –and proceeded to deliver my speech that no daughter of mine would ever fall apart when a man walked out on her. I imagined my beautiful daughter instead, confidently going “free-style” on the dance floor, celebrating her independence and her confidence in her ability to shine on her own, never skipping a beat and never needing a young man to lead her around the floor. The look on this lady’s face indicated that I really did need to let this go.
Recently, I was watching Snow White with my girls. I enviously marveled at how peacefully Snow White slept in the forest after eating the poison apple. As I watched the Prince approach her, it took every bit of restraint I could muster to keep from yelling, "LEAVE HER ALONE!" Can't you see she is sleeping? Can't you see she is in a better place?" (and by "better place", I mean in full-fledged REM sleep mode). How often do we EVER get there? And then it hit me. Snow White didn't need rescuing at all. She was in the middle of a blissful nap in a beautiful setting. Waking her up meant she would not only have this fairly-handsome Prince to take care of, but she would also have to go back to caring for all 7 of his vertically-challenged companions. There would be the endless piles of tissues to pick up where Sneezy dropped them, the incessant polite laughter she would have to fake when Happy found something amusing, the constant self-esteem building of the bashful one and the tedious office work that had no doubt been piling up at Doc's medical practice in her absence, and don't EVEN get me started on the frustrations in dealing with the Dopey one! The more I thought about it and thought about the other Disney Princesses, the facts became even more obvious. Cinderella had a fairy godmother who could turn a pumpkin into a beautiful coach and she had forest animals who could cook AND clean. She didn't need to be rescued by a Prince. She had it made. Mulan saved CHINA - HELLO? And so it was in Shang's best interest to lock that deal up and get her on his team. In story after story, it was indeed the Princess who was the hero, and in every story the Prince was lucky to have her. Sleeping Beauty, (again....key word, "SLEEPING"), was not awakened so that SHE could be rescued. She was awakened because someone needed something from HER (story of my life). And Ariel? She had to drag Eric's sorry butt out of the surf all by herself at the very beginning of Little Mermaid. I rest my case!
So, maybe the lesson to be learned from the classic Disney fairy tale is a little more deeply buried than I first thought. To the casual observer, one sees tales of Princesses in distress and the brave Princes who come along to save her. In reality, the true lesson to be learned is in the receiving of the act of the rescue. The true art, one mastered by every Disney Princess I can think of, is to graciously receive a rescue that you never really needed. Once I had this epiphany, I had to re-watch every Disney fairy tale to see if the Princess gives it away at all. Does she ever let on that she knows the real deal? She never does.
Maybe the life lesson here is actually for ME. Lord knows, I am fiercely independent and stubborn about doing things myself and I'm not good at all about accepting any help. Instead of teaching my daughters to be the same way, maybe I need to channel my inner Princess and get to the place where I can accept a little rescuing here and there, without feeling like it is a poor reflection of my strength and abilities. I think I can do that. But, you have to admit how cool it would be if Cinderella gave the camera a little wink as she rides off into the sunset with her Prince. Then, we could all grin to ourselves and say, "We know, girl...we know!"
Recently, I was watching Snow White with my girls. I enviously marveled at how peacefully Snow White slept in the forest after eating the poison apple. As I watched the Prince approach her, it took every bit of restraint I could muster to keep from yelling, "LEAVE HER ALONE!" Can't you see she is sleeping? Can't you see she is in a better place?" (and by "better place", I mean in full-fledged REM sleep mode). How often do we EVER get there? And then it hit me. Snow White didn't need rescuing at all. She was in the middle of a blissful nap in a beautiful setting. Waking her up meant she would not only have this fairly-handsome Prince to take care of, but she would also have to go back to caring for all 7 of his vertically-challenged companions. There would be the endless piles of tissues to pick up where Sneezy dropped them, the incessant polite laughter she would have to fake when Happy found something amusing, the constant self-esteem building of the bashful one and the tedious office work that had no doubt been piling up at Doc's medical practice in her absence, and don't EVEN get me started on the frustrations in dealing with the Dopey one! The more I thought about it and thought about the other Disney Princesses, the facts became even more obvious. Cinderella had a fairy godmother who could turn a pumpkin into a beautiful coach and she had forest animals who could cook AND clean. She didn't need to be rescued by a Prince. She had it made. Mulan saved CHINA - HELLO? And so it was in Shang's best interest to lock that deal up and get her on his team. In story after story, it was indeed the Princess who was the hero, and in every story the Prince was lucky to have her. Sleeping Beauty, (again....key word, "SLEEPING"), was not awakened so that SHE could be rescued. She was awakened because someone needed something from HER (story of my life). And Ariel? She had to drag Eric's sorry butt out of the surf all by herself at the very beginning of Little Mermaid. I rest my case!
So, maybe the lesson to be learned from the classic Disney fairy tale is a little more deeply buried than I first thought. To the casual observer, one sees tales of Princesses in distress and the brave Princes who come along to save her. In reality, the true lesson to be learned is in the receiving of the act of the rescue. The true art, one mastered by every Disney Princess I can think of, is to graciously receive a rescue that you never really needed. Once I had this epiphany, I had to re-watch every Disney fairy tale to see if the Princess gives it away at all. Does she ever let on that she knows the real deal? She never does.
Maybe the life lesson here is actually for ME. Lord knows, I am fiercely independent and stubborn about doing things myself and I'm not good at all about accepting any help. Instead of teaching my daughters to be the same way, maybe I need to channel my inner Princess and get to the place where I can accept a little rescuing here and there, without feeling like it is a poor reflection of my strength and abilities. I think I can do that. But, you have to admit how cool it would be if Cinderella gave the camera a little wink as she rides off into the sunset with her Prince. Then, we could all grin to ourselves and say, "We know, girl...we know!"
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